Cultivating confidence: Fozia Naseer is taking classes at Montana State University. But just as important to her is learning how to become the kind of leader who can transmit confidence to girls in villages back home in Pakistani-controlled Kashmir. (Deirdre Eitel/Special to The Christian Science Monitor)
Three cups of tea was a ticket to education
At the invitation of author Greg Mortenson, a Kashmir village woman from his next book comes to Montana to boost her confidence in leading women.
By Corinne Garcia | Contributor / November 6, 2008 edition
Deirdre Eitel/Special to The Christian Science Monitor
Trying out freedom: Fozia Naseer is experiencing liberties in Montana that she hasn’t had at home in Pakistan – including riding a horse for the first time.
Bozeman, Mont.
Bozeman , Mont.
Walking around the remote village of Patika, in Pakistan-controlled Kashmir, Greg Mortenson, at well over six feet tall, was hard to miss that day in 2006. Some villagers understood he was there to build schools, but since the devastating earthquake a year before, they were used to relief workers coming and going.
Mr. Mortenson’s bestselling book, “Three Cups of Tea,” had been read and discussed in just about every woman’s book club in the US, but in Kashmir he was a virtual stranger.
Never one to miss an opportunity to learn something new, law student and teacher Fozia Naseer invited the stranger for tea in the refugee tent she shared with her mother and sister, set amid the rubble of her once pleasant town. In this Muslim part of the world, a woman inviting a man for tea was nontraditional – even bold.
But ever since she was a child worrying her conservative elders with dreams of becoming a lawyer, Ms. Naseer was not afraid to veer from the norm.
Little did she know just how far from the norm those few cups of tea would take her. Mortenson’s visit lasted just over an hour – “He talked about education,” Naseer recalls simply. But Mortenson saw in Naseer impressive drive and intellect – exactly what his nonprofit Central Asia Institute (CAI) has been trying to tap in women in the developing world for 12 years.
He left her $250 to help her finish law school, and he shot off a note to Genevieve Chabot, CAI’s international program manager, asking her to pay Naseer a visit upon her return to Kashmir.
That’s how Naseer now finds herself at Montana State University (MSU) high in the Rockies, far from her home below the towering Himalayas.
• • •
In “Three Cups of Tea,” Mortenson recounts exhilarating, often perilous stories of his immersion in Pakistani culture as he struggles to build schools for girls in mountain villages. Now, using a scholarship that MSU gave him for the person of his choice, Mortenson has immersed Naseer – who is portrayed in his upcoming second book – in American culture. Along with classes, she’s training to become a CAI liaison in Kashmir.
Getting Naseer here wasn’t easy. It involved negotiations with her traditional uncle, Ilyas Hans Sahib, a father figure to Naseer since her father died in 1984. He’d just arranged a marriage for Naseer and was wary of sending her off to America without a family escort.
Although she was bubbling with excitement at the prospect of being the first woman from her village to visit the US, she had to let him make the decision. “I never tried to talk to my uncle about coming here,” Naseer says.
It took six months of casual meetings between Ms. Chabot and Mr. Sahib to convince him that the value of the journey would outweigh perceived dangers and that Naseer’s marriage could be postponed.
Naseer now seems to fit right into the cowboy culture of this land-grant university, often wearing jeans and Western wear (topped by her colorful Muslim scarves). She has impressed her hosts, Lori and Scott Lawson, with a surprising ability to take things in stride in such a foreign culture.
“Fozia is really accepting of other lifestyles,” Mrs. Lawson says, noting that once her husband searched online to find the exact direction of Mecca, Naseer showed no discomfort breaking away to pray in their home. Mrs. Lawson says Naseer’s a quick study, too. After being shown the basement washing machine, Naseer nonchalantly threw in a load of laundry and turned it on. When they were walking back upstairs, Lawson discovered that Naseer had never seen a washing machine before that.
There have been plenty of other firsts: her first film in a movie theater, first sushi, first trip to a hair salon, and first time riding a horse.
Nothing much seems to shock her. That is, until the first time she ate at the MSU cafeteria: “I just couldn’t believe how much food there was, and how much gets thrown away.”
Perhaps as influential as any class she’s taking (including English composition and computer studies) is the exposure to daily American life.
“Here she is surrounded by strong women,” says Chabot. “And that’s important because back at home, for CAI, empowering other women will be her No. 1 job.”
Naseer agrees: “Where I’m from, most women stay home. It’s really different, but it’s easy for me here.”
Perhaps the biggest cleft of difference between here and there, for Naseer, was created at 8:50 a.m. on Oct. 8, 2005, when the comfortable life she and her family had with her landowner uncle became much more like that of the struggling masses. Naseer was writing on a blackboard, teaching in a village near her own when she felt the floor rattling.
“Run!” she yelled as she and her 5- and 6-year-old girls scrambled out seconds before the building collapsed in a whoosh of choking dust. One girl died at that school, but 70,000 people died in the quake throughout Kashmir.
Naseer frantically ran home, stumbling past wailing mourners to find her family of 10 sitting in front of their collapsed home.
“It was a really bad moment in my life,” she recalls of the days Naseer’s family and 30 neighbors hovered under a large sheet, hiding from nasty weather and mourning, taking turns digging through rubble for food.
With all the schools leveled and the road to Muzaffarabad blocked, life became a daily struggle just to survive. It has continued that way for Naseer until she landed here in August, greeted by the startling availability of food, entertainment, and, most important, the freedom to come out of her shell.
She admits that she misses her family. But the thought of returning after the freedom she’s experiencing is daunting – especially with an arranged marriage. “If I chose not to, I would be expelled from my family and village. Most girls just say ‘OK,’ ”she explains.
Naseer has had two public speaking events and more are lined up. Though speaking to groups is new to her, she says that it’s part of the education she needs to take on a leadership role. “I like it,” she says. “I know I must be confident to work for CAI, so I’m trying to do my best.”
She also is taking tae kwon do. “I want to be strong,” Naseer says. “It helps you with discipline … I like that. It gives you power.” Power, perhaps, she can’t experience at home.
“Here you have the freedom to do anything you want,” Naseer continues. “It feels good. I’m here to learn different things. I want to get experience about everything.”
What does she hope to accomplish with all of these new experiences? “Education,” she says. “That’s what I will bring home to other women in my village.”
• • •
On a crisp day, recently, leaves were crunching under the wheels as Naseer was learning to ride a bike. With her host family rallying around, she was visibly frustrated as the bike teetered unsteadily beneath her after her umpteenth try.
So she gave up: “I felt like a child. I fell a lot and started to get so mad at myself.”
In her village, with rocky roads, no one owns a bike and no one in her family had ever learned to ride one. But after weeks of watching bikers cruising Bozeman, she’d fancied that freedom and asked her hosts for the lesson – so she was embarrassed to give up.
But early the next morning Mr. Lawson walked outside to find Naseer riding the bike on her own, with an ambitious look in her eyes.
“She’s just a quietly determined individual,” Mrs. Lawson observes.
That quiet determination of a woman wanting to learn as much as possible – over a few cups of tea or on a bike – is just what Mortenson had in mind when he built his first school for girls in the developing world, and when he brought Naseer to the US.
[Editor’s note: the name of the author, Greg Mortenson, was misspelled in the original version]
2. DH | 11.06.08
Great story! Offering opportunities in education & empowerment are surely the solution to many of the world’s problems…Greg Mortenson leads the way once again!
3. Erin Douglass | 11.06.08
Great article about a truly inspiring woman. It’s so heartening to read of the CAI’s continued good works…and to think about women leading the way to a renewed Kashmir.
4. Hillary Adrian Hitt | 11.06.08
Dear Christian Science Monitor,
The work of Greg Mortenson absolutely deserves to be recognized especially right now on the auspiscious election of Barack Obama.
I am happy to see that CAI is now bringing gifted women, like Naseer, to the US to study and be empowered. She certainly has the opportunity to create a great change for the future of women in Pakistan.
Thank you for posting this article. I wish CAI, Greg Mortenson, Naseer and the people of Pakistan many blessings and the best of luck in their work in the brilliant future ahead.
Hillary Adrian Hitt
Koh Samui, Thailand
5. collin beddoe | 11.06.08
the book is great and i am really happy for her to see how great freedom is.
6. Ms Samme Darnall | 11.06.08
What a big thrill to read about Neseer. After reading 3 Cups of Tea, I was deeply interested in the women of the story. And to have one able to come to America and experience the freedom we enjoy,is just plain wonderful.
7. Janice | 11.06.08
What courage and what faith, both on her part and that of her uncle (and family). The biggest part of this story for me will be if she does return and marry, reconciling her new found freedoms and expression with Muslim traditions. This is a crux of the world dilemma of merging cultures.
8. Mell Schoening | 11.06.08
Wow! I’ve been a fan of Greg’s for years/ He is a real humanitarian—-and has done immeasurable good with his activities. It is wonderful to have the Monitor acknowledging how just one person can build peaceful bridges.
9. Stephanie Freeman | 11.06.08
I recently learned that one of the largest enclaves of Iraqi refugees is in El Cajon, California, when I met two young Iraqi women who have been feeling isolated and alone there. The women want to obtain an education here, and then work with other refugee women here and in Jordan and Syria.
While I greatly appreciate the value all of Mr. Mortensen’s spectacular efforts, it is not always necessary to import refugees from abroad. We have many potential ambassadors of peace and potential educators here in this country, and much good can be done simply by reaching out to them in friendship and support.
10. Susan Wolfe | 11.06.08
Politics (wheather it is Bush, Obama, or McCain) will never bring peace. It is compassion and people who bring peace. Ms. Naseer is a living testament of what education can do to change the world.
Susan Wolfe
11. cynthia dines | 11.06.08
Awesome story, and I hope that as time goes on, we’ll be able to experience more of them. Mr. Mortensen’s story (in 3 Cups of Tea) is incredible and he is truly one of a kind. I’d hope to hear him speak when he came through Sacramento CA, but the tickets were snatched up quickly! Anyhow, everyone should take some time to read the book 3 Cups of Tea; you’ll learn a great deal about the people who supposedly want American’s dead. And you’ll understand Mr. Mortensen’s mission and vision and it’s importance on not only the future of these women and family, but us, too.
12. Marylou Hayes | 11.07.08
I read the book Three cups of tea. I totally agree with what Greg Morrisson is doing. I passed it around to friends and I beleive that is how we can acheive peace is educating the women. Thankyou for writing this peice. I really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to his new book.
13. Yousuf Ahmad | 11.07.08
I just want to comment on two points.
First, that CAI was able to convince Fozia’s family to allow her to go abroad for education shows that attitudes in Pakistan towards women’s right to education are changing for the better. I am confident that she will be a source of great benefit to her community upon her return to Pakistan.
Second, that the wastage of food in the MSU cafe shocked her shows that Western society needs to recognize its excesses and limit them. I know this is easier said than done. Similarly, I hope Fozia will not end up getting corrupted by the vices prevalent in Western society, only picking up its virtues.
14. Lorrie Hall | 11.07.08
My only suggestion to CAI would be to have Naseer’s husband visit the U.S. too. This is important if they want to have a smooth and permanent marriage.
The reason I say this is from the following true experience. Several years ago, the Congregational Church in the U.S. sponsored a young man from Zimbabwe to study at Clark University in Worcester, MA. The church ran a school, Chikore Mission, in what was then Southern Rhodesia, and he had been an outstanding student. Because a university education in the U.S. is four years, the UCC Board realized that, not only was it a long time to be away from his wife, but that it was important that she share in the American experience.
The church paid the way for his wife to come, and she studied at the local high school and graduated in the one year she had here. (She had several children at home, so couldn’t stay longer than a year). When the young man returned home, he was appointed immediately to the Inspectorate Ministry of Education, and his wife in the meantime took courses in accounting, so she could find work doing that. All in all, it was a successful investment of the church (and in their marriage and, by extension, the education of their children).
Sincerely,
Lorrie Hall
15. John E. Mitchell | 11.08.08
Dear Editors… Thank you so very much for sharing the story of Greg Mortenson’s support of education for girls and in particular his vision for a better world through the education of girls and women and men to the full potential of individuals. Mortenson also inspires all us to be more helpful to others…whether here or in other places where the needs are far greater than those of us who have lost jobs, houses, and funds with the current economic crisis. Mortenson sure has the spirit of “YES! We can do better than THIS…and we WILL! And the amazing thing to me is that by doing even a little LESS for ourselves and a little MORE for others, we can each feel GREATLY ENRICHED instead of impoverished. The satisfactions of PHILANTHROPY, even in very small ways, brings joys that are priceless.
I would also encourage the Editors to investigate and write an informative article of the work of the FRIENDS OF THE WORLD FOOD PROGRAM. There efforts to feed millions include huge opportunities for all of us… especially since they can produce good meals for students at a cost of only 25 CENTS a day. And everyone realizes that students without food are not able to absorb much education …. and without education, this world is doomed to suffer the destruction and tragedies brought be WARS and NATURAL DISASTERS.
GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES ARE KNOCKING DAILY FOR EACH OF US TO REACH OUT WITH AS MUCH PHILANTHROPY AS POSSIBLE TO HELPL OTHERS, AND TO REMEMBER THAT AT THE END OF HIS NOBLE EFFORTS TO HELP OTHERS, SCHINDLER REALIZED THAT HE COULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH MORE IF HE HAD NOT HUNG ONTO MANY OBJECTS OF VALUE… THAT LATE REALIZATION AGONIZED HIM DEEPLY. Why wait for that sort of feeling? Give up a simple dollar a day and enjoy the realization that that one buck has feed 4 starving students.
http://www.friendsofwFp.org is the website for more info on how to donate tax reducing dollars to the WORLD FOOD PROGRAM
SINCERELY, JOHN E. MITCHELL, IN PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA
16. rashid murtaza–law graduate | 11.08.08
your story three cups of tea ticket to education.
Dear Editor
I do not agree with most parts of this story. It is just unfortunate that people try to dub Kashmir as a conservative society for their vested interested.
I just want to share a few facts with you. I hope it will help you to understand the real situation.
1 literacy rate of Kashmir is nearly 70 percent - higher than India and Pakistan and other south Asian countries.
2—94(ninety four) percent children go to school. Of them nearly 48 percent are girls.
There are nearly 6000 educational institutions –most of them are schools.
You would be surprised to know that nearly half of the educational institutions are for girls and that parents more than happy to send their daughters to schools. In some parts of Kashmir, literacy rate of women is more than men.
3— Usually marriages are arranged by parents but normally they get consent from their children.
I don’t agree that elders would stop Fozia Naseer from becoming a lawyer. If they intended to stop her from becoming a lawyer then why would they allow her to study law at first place.
4— There are rare cases of violence against women in Kashmir.
I just want to mention here that October 8, 2005 earthquake left nearly 2 million Kashmiri homeless.
But not a single Kashmiri was even involved in rape, sexual harassment or kidnapping.
I hope it is clear reflection of worlds best civilized nation. However, we faced problem because of so called aid workers.
Many foreign and Pakistani aid workers exploited the situation of poor women. They were exploited, blackmailed, harassed because they needed job to supports their families.
They tried to take full advantage of these women seeking job in their organizations.
I also want to share with you the massive corruption within aid groups including UN organizations.
UN agencies alone claim to have spent nearly 500 million dollars in earthquake affected areas.
But these agencies have not built a single permanent structure in earthquake affected areas.
People do ask where this money has gone.
Aid agencies including UN organizations spent nearly 2 billion dollars in earthquake affected areas but they have not reconstructed a single school, hospital or road or a bridge destroyed in earthquake affected areas.
Almost 3000 educational institutions -most of them schools were destroyed in Kashmir.
But only 60 could have been built over past three years.
Similarly 159 basic health units were destroyed but only 8 have built.
No Road has been reconstructed and reconstruction work on three major cities in Pakistani Muzaffarabad, Baugh and Rawalakote is yet to be started.
About 274000 houses were destroyed in the earthquake and 100,000 people are yet to receive fourth installment of housing assistance.
Government of Pakistan 150,000 housing assistance in three installments at different phases.
People needed infrastructure rather most of 5.5 billion dollar was wasted, misappropriated or it was spent on useless activities. But who care sir?
This is a cruel world– simple–
Regards,
Rashid Murtaza.
Muzaffarabad
17. shahida | 11.16.08
It gives me hope for my future reading the story . I live in England and am in a similar situation as Naseer. I wish i could come across some nice people who could help me fufill my dreams.
18. mujeeb | 11.19.08
We do u mean by empowering woman. We respect our women;we do care about them and their voice is heard.
In Kashmir, women are in every filed,be that education, health police force,judiciary ,politics or administration.
CAI just want to serve its interests rather than helping people in the region.
19. Nikhil Sonawani | 02.25.09
Well, I have met Fozia Nazeer at least half a dozen times and I had no clue that this would be the story behind such a brave woman. I can still remember when I was selling tickets in MSU SUB for a 2008 grand Diwali festival (Indian Festival) and there came Fozia Nazeer who bought ten tickets for herself and for the members of the visiting family in Bozeman. I wish I could have seen this in her eyes.
For now I don’t have any words to express the guts she has shown to come such a long way. The most important thing is that I appreciate the opportunity given by Mr.Greg Mortenson for giving her the encouragement and convincing her to come in US and Mr. Lawson to give the shelter and support which a individual would need in a new culture and country. Lastly, I appreciate the determination and the spirit shown by Fozia to do something for the women in her village back in PoK and I wish her all the best for her future.
Nikhil Sonawani
Graduate Student
Dept. of Civil Engineering
Montana State University
Bozeman, Montana.
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1. Priscilla Wilson | 11.06.08
such an inspiring story. women around the world need to be set free as Naseer has been. there’s more determination and grit out there than we all know.
thank you for sharing this.